Sunday, May 29, 2016

On Being Left Behind

I've said a lot of goodbyes in my life. This summer is full of hard ones again. 
It doesn't ever get easy, but my least favorite are the ones where I am being left behind. 
The ones where you stand where you are and wave to the people as they drive away or disappear through the security checks. Because I have to turn around, go home, and its life as normal. No new adventures, life to set up, or cultures to explore. 

This summer marks 10 years since I moved to South Carolina, during those 10 years I have had lots of family and friends that have come and gone, leaving me here waving goodbye. For probably the last 5 years I looked for ways to get out. I wanted us to be the ones getting to leave. I wasn't supposed to live in the States for this long. I was willing to serve God in the difficult places, uproot my family and go. But instead He called us to stay. 

Staying is hard for my TCK [third culture kid] blood. Settling and putting down roots is not something I totally understand or am very good at. My family and friends are scattered all over the US and the world. But this year He has worked in my heart to help me know that it is okay to stay. Here's a couple of things I have learned in my years of being left behind.

God called me to serve Him wherever I am. 

Location doesn't really matter when it comes to serving God. Coming from a family that was filled with people in ministry, I honestly struggled at first that God had called us to "regular" jobs. But I quickly realized what a great place that was to be! I didn't have to go far to be the hands and feet of Jesus. All around me there were needs. Living and working in the States helped change my perspective on the needs here.

I need to pray for the ones who GET to go.

I know what it is like to be the "goer." How hard that is too. How challenging it is to pack up your life and how hard the goodbyes are when you get on the plane. I need to pray instead of be jealous. Which is easy for me to want to be. I need to empathize with their feelings instead of getting lost in my feelings of being left behind.

Don't get too settled.

Last year we took a step of faith that caused some uprooting in our lives. But God settled us again into a better situation. Whether its jobs, houses, cities, states, or countries, we never know when God is going to ask us to go and just like Abraham we will have to trust Him with the unknown.

So as I keep waving those goodbyes to family leaving, these are the things I need to remember. Not that it will make them any easier.

Saturday, May 21, 2016

I'm Back!

It's only taken me about 4 sit downs to get this post written. I will probably get up about 4 times in the middle of writing this one to take care of the needs of my kiddos. #lifewiththree 
At least I am not having to type while hold my 1 month old, which is a bit challenging. She is currently still sleeping next to my husband. I was certain no cosleeping would take place this time around, but then we got tired. Then we traveled. And then she got sick. And so while it is fun to cuddle with a newborn, it is wreaking havoc on my neck and left shoulder. 
born 4.18.16

In some ways I thought this past year would be a little easier. In some ways it has been, but then at the same time it was less stressful but more exhausting. So I stopped writing. Not because there weren't things to say, but by the time evening came, my brain was so dead nothing coherent was ever going to come out. I highly doubt anything coherent will still come out, but I will try. 

I also decided that I wasn't really just inquiring my way through third grade, but really juggling all of life. Because third grade happens twice a week (plus the planning that seems to take the rest of the week). Then there is 3+ days of homeschool with the boys. It had been preschool but now we are moving into KINDERGARTEN! (when did that happen?!) and then there is the day to day joys of parenting and all the other fun stuff that happens, but also those moments when I want to pull my hair out and hide. 

There were definitely moments these past several months that I hid my head in the freezer and stole bites of ice cream. There were moments when I instituted the family nap act and MADE the boys lay down because I was beyond tired. There were also moments were I watched the boys live in their pretend world and play beautifully while I sat back and scrolled through facebook. #keepingitreal Moments where I thought grading would never end, and other times where I read the most beautiful stories or laughed out loud. 
I don't know if I was really just tired, but I died laughing. 
I was probably just tired.

So this blog is now going to be a mix of all of the things because I can't separate it all and it is all a process of inquiry, and my goal, now that I have a year of third under my belt, is to build more inquiry into our two days of third, and make kindergarten at home as hands-on and fun as possible. So if you are reading and only care about one topic or the other, feel free to click on the tabs at the top and read just those things! Or follow along with it all!
Life with brothers. It's rough sometimes!

And even though I had to feed the baby, change the leaking diaper, sword fight with the almost 3 year old, explain why you can't marry your sister to the five year old (You just can't), I have finally finished a post. #momaccomplishments